写给自己的信

写给自己的信。。。

忽然，很想醉，是因为早已心碎；

忽然，很想睡，是因为心里早已疲惫，

忽然，很想喝一杯咖啡，是因为要映衬内心的苦味；

忽然，很想一个人颓废，是因为再没有什么人让我不累！

由于寂寞,我选择了挣脱.

由于清醒,我选择了沉思.

由于看不见未来,我选择了放弃.

由于放弃,我选择了眼泪.

由于割舍,我选择了释然.

由于释然,我选择了坚强.

心里很明白，心内的那个小孩不快乐了很久很久。几乎有好几个月都处于悲伤状态~

一個人，不管做什麼，
一定會有正面的評價與負面的評價；

何必那么在乎？然而我在意每个人对我的评价~

当得不到别人的认同，内心感觉空虚，

是缺乏了活出自己的勇气，

或者是想要证明些什么。

此外，对（失去）逝去的东西还抱着希望，

明知道那只会带来失望，还期待什么？！

如果能重来

你选择如何地去对待

你是否会把之前的回忆抛开

你又是否会确保不会奢求更多的重来

到底要有多少次重来

我们才会真正地去接受

眼前的 事实/真相.

最近的事情，让我很疲倦、很想放弃。

呐喊过、流泪过、堕落过。。。

说过自己要坚强，不再去寻找答案、不去对不相信的人解释。。。

我一定要办到。

只能当去年是人生中不可避免的起承转和期，

不能再放纵自己那么的懦弱、忧郁，

两次就够了，但两次的伤害带来的痛苦，

也不及懦弱的自己带给自己的压抑的心情、压力来的大。

有那么疼我的父母，家人，还要哀怨吗？

该改变自己的想法，希望能金蝉脱壳，还回真实的自己。

我活着，不是为了你们的欢呼声、掌声，

而是为了自己的将来。

Songs

Thanks to xiu wen who shared this @fb..Finally found this song which I kept humming the chorus part recently. Hmm.. didn't notice that JS do have many nice songs until I checked from youtube.

飞的越远越看不见
你阳光下灿烂的笑脸
在天和海之间那条界线
慢慢地走远
你曾经是我的地平线
你有没有一点想念
我们一起去年的夏天
有种爱的感觉
在心里面
那么的强烈
而这一切好像只是昨天
我才发现我比想像中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静
我诚实的分析我自己
还是不可否认的
我比想像中爱你
浪花掠过沙滩边境(海风就像你的呼吸)
我又看见我们的脚印(那曾是回忆的痕迹)
如果遇见幸福的机率要千万分之一
不顾一切也要找回你
我才发现我比想像中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认的
我比想像中爱你
woo~~~~
终于发现我比想像中爱你
只是一时不小心错过了你
每当夜深人静我诚实的分析我自己
总会从梦中惊醒
还是不可否认的
我比想像中爱你

所有的“我不懂”其实还是有一点懂；

每一次“我不在乎”背后都有一点点在乎;

每一次“我没事”背后都还是有那么一点伤痛。

......................................................................

I wish that I could play this song on guitar~

也许有一天　我会爱上你
也许有一天　我们在一起
也许有一天　等一个也许
也许有一天　我们都忘记

如果一切都会过去　不如留点回忆
当我看着你的眼睛　我等的是奇迹

也许有一天　你会想起我
也许有一天　我们都忘记

就算一切都会过去　还是应该伤心
当你睁开你的眼睛　看一看我的心

如果一切都会过去　不如留点回忆
当我看着你的眼睛　我等的是奇迹　（我等的是奇迹）

也许有一天　你会想起我
也许有一天　我们都忘记

也许有一天　我们都忘记

能不忘记吗？

being understanding

Well, everyone of us is created with different attitudes, personalities, and etc. Sometimes,we get frustrated, down, depressed that why people don't understand us, but we couldn't blame them as not everyone could put themselves in our shoes.Some people believe that you have to experience what i experience in order to understand how they feel and not by just the phrase "I understand how you feel.." or " it will be the past soon, you will get over it". Sometimes, i feel people are so selfish that they only think about themselves but not the feelings of others. I read from an recent article, perhaps if i put it in a nicer way, maybe they are just not understanding enough and they can't put themselves in your shoes.

Well, I am not a perfect person who always fail in managing my emotions, but at least I am going to try my best to be understanding enough. ^^..( Hopefully I will reduce my question of asking ' Why can't you understand me?'). After all, I just felt funny after I asked that, as the answers from others might be" why should I understand you?!"... SILLY ME..

Nah, I am trying to improve myself to be a better person. A person who aged up to 21 right now is supposed to have maturity to handle stress and emotions well.. Hmm, hopefully I can improve in this.

H.I.A.T.U.S .. Hiatus

Recently edited the picture above with different effects, somehow looking at it, I felt calm..(I don't know why..)

There are some interesting and meaningful phrases I read from Facebook :

• 不要做刺猬 ,能不与人结仇就不与人结仇 ,谁也不跟谁一辈子 ,有些事情没必要记在心上 ...
• 没有十全十美的东西，没有十全十美的人，关键是清楚到底想要什么。得到想要的，肯定会失去另外一部分。如果什么都想要，只会什么都得不到。
• 纠缠，如同一根橡皮筋，时刻拉着自己，稍点就感受到那紧迫的束缚，让人感觉厌倦和疲劳，慢慢的就会开始有了逆反心理，然而这一种紧密的力量把这样的两个人连在一起，系在了一起。一个拽，一个跑，彼此因为对方感觉到自己的存在，不空虚，不寂寞.
• 真正的矛盾，不是不理解一个人，而是你不会宽容它的缺点

Anyway,calvin, if you read my blog, i wish to tell you that let's just entail forgiving the person. Perhaps we shall cheer for knowing the truth earlier although we hate accepting all that had happened, take care..We experience a loss or betrayal and are filled with hurt and anger. We blame the person who wronged us as the cause of our pain. At this point, we're not considering that we have a choice about how to respond. We're just feeling wounded by the offense.

Read more: http://www.thirdage.com/divorce/the-four-stages-of-becoming-a-forgiving-person#ixzz1Ebkjhf48

ps: Thanks to er xuan who sent me this article..

My sun is rising up again...

Thanks to those who have shared many meaningful articles, their bittersweet stories with me..

The aids you all gave, the trust you all have in me, the supports you all gave...

I really felt touched and appreciative with the presence of you all.

Thank you..

I will be fine and learn to be tough..

sadness

In drama, movies, and so on
the actors always claimed that they are having heartache during certain circumstances,
but how many know what it really feels like
it's like the chambers of your heart
shrinking immediately with no blood can pass through,
suffocating is the best described
and
do you know
I feel that every time

when realizing that there's none I really can trust of...

and there's none I can share my sorrows with..

The world is cruel with so many double-faced person around..

The person you are trusted with may actually doing so many tactics behind..

My life is sickening with the presence of you.. I really hate what you have done..

And the person I cared the most doesn't trust in what i said and done..

the sorrow will pass,

the happiness will soon follow,

and being me,

just await the time,

for the dark to go.

无题

对于残酷的事实，

我只能接受。。。

我很想为自己辩解什么，

可是错归根于自己。。

一切的发生，其实是自己给了机会让这一切发生，

不能责怪任何人，自己的愚蠢害了自己，

很累，真的很想到一个无烦恼的国度。

i am sorry, my family..sorry to make you all worry of me. I will be tough.

Show encrypted text

i am sorry, my family..sorry to make you all worry of me. I will be tough.

photoshop trial 1

Woohoo.. I had made some attempts to use photoshop to create some artistic pieces with the aid of youtube tutorials...^^

i like the quotes above..copied from a website^^

‎2♥11

Some memories are meant to be kept in mind and embedded in heart~

When I don't message you,it doesn't mean that I forgot about you.
I was just giving us some time to miss each other,
My love for you is a journey, starting at forever and ending at never.

我不是碰不到更好的，

而是因为已经有了你，

我不想再碰到更好的...

我不是不会对别人动心，

而是因为已经有了你，

我就觉得没必要再对

其他人动心...

我不是不会爱上别的人，

而是我更加懂得珍惜你，

能在一起不容易，

已经选定的人我就不随便放手...

written by

‎

‎

‎c♥r‎♥ne

on ‎05/2/2♥11‎

Lost of mobile phone Nokia 6120

As Chinese New Year is approaching, mom has been busy baking cookies again! Hehe.. I really felt thankful to have a wonderful mom who is great in baking cookies! I will be having coffee almond cookies, kuih bangkit 番婆饼, green pea cookies, almond cookies, cornflakes cookies and etcetera. Somehow looking at the tolerance existing between parents, I felt glad of it. (Dad tolerates with mom who likes baking many cookies to her siblings... Well, if you count the prices of the materials to bake cookies and preparation for CNY eve's food, somehow will feel heartache.) hmm...

With the lost of Nokia 6120, I am like losing something that is very important to me.. Is that because of the messages and photos that I kept inside the mobile phone? or due to the songs that ever being shared with? Hmm...well, I told my dearie godsis, siew teng about the lost of handphone and missed the contents of it, and she told me that she believed everything inside the mobile phone did not disappear but had been embedded inside my heart. Hmm.. yeap, what she said was true! With the lost of it, I realized how much I had treasured those messages,photos, songs, everything of it! Sighed..

不要问我为什么，

我就是这样傻傻的，

依旧认为有一天，

折翼的爱情，

也有复原的一天。

什么时候我会以曾经来形容它呢？

Songs

There are something which are impressive that I wish to share with..

1)Listen by Jess Lee


I love her singing..indeed she is very talented in singing! She really touched my heart with her songs!

2)勇敢by Jess Lee



This song was previously sang by Ah Mei. I noticed this going-to-be superstar from Facebook fan page few days ago. It's a touching song and the lyrics are well written. (This song had me making approaches to reach out for the person that day. )Hmm.. I love the way she sang!

3) A Japanese song lyrics to be shared.. Well, I was shocked of knowing the meaning of the lyrics after looking at the translation. Thanks Jen Wei for introducing this song to me..

Spontania - Now And Forever (feat. Ito Yuna)

Lyrics: Spontania, Ito Yuna, Jeff Miyahara
Music: Spontania, Ito Yuna, Jeff Miyahara, RYLL, coco

I won’t forget you for as long as I live
We can’t go back
You will always be close to my heart
Even now

I always took it for granted
Seeing you happily by my side

Then I started to see it all change
I wanted to warm your hand that was always shivering

Even if I love someone else, I can’t let you be just a memory
It doesn’t matter where I end up, I just want to see you again

*Even now I want to see you, I’ve been thinking about you
Even now I still haven’t forgotten that Love Song
My lonely heart full of Memories
Hold me like you did that day, One More Time

I wanted to thank you but I couldn’t while you were around
I’m sorry that we broke up.
At the end, I’d like to call out your name once more

You’re still smiling on my cell phone
You still look so caring to me, I can’t erase your pic even if I wanted to

We were like kids as we joked with each other
And I miss carrying you around on my back

Time has passed since then and someday I should forget this pain
But you taught me the meaning of love and I can’t let you go

(Repeat*)

“I’m lonely,” I can’t bring myself to say those words
The world has come to nothing

You know I love you, even now

If you had stayed with me, I would’ve made you happier than anyone
Fly Away to that day, to that place

Even now I want to see you, I’ve been thinking about you
Even now I still haven’t forgotten that Love Song
My lonely heart full of Memories
Hold me like you did that day, once more

I hear you call
I hear you say my name
Tonight, I’ll remember you

4)

为什么“爱”里面有个友字？是不是代表着爱情的开始是来着友情，或是结束时也该仍是朋友？...有意思~

Did anyone of us notice the word of love in Mandarin Chinese has the word of Friend?Is that actually meaning love begins with friendship and if the love ends, the both people should still remain being friends at least？ hmm..

• 愛

  
  
• 

  Wan Tian haha..if you notice the traditional word...actually is not 友,but more like 久....另外宝盖儿通常是用于受保护的意思，例如：家，宝等。所以根据繁体，爱是把那个人长长久久保护并保存在心里。
  by the way, just my point of view ya..XD

I like the way she interpreted the chinese traditional word of 'love' i.e. love is embedding the person inside the heart forever...

.................................................................................................

There's an interesting page which discuss why would couples broke up, parents divorced and so on. Well, most of the reasons that such occasion occur are because of lack of commitment, cannot reach the expectations of each other, lack of communication and etc. I opine that there's no one can be 100% compatible with in the world. There's none of us will be 100% perfect so it's ridiculous to expect the one you love to be the one that you wish her to be. Someone told me that relationship= love+feeling+communication+tolerance+honesty/trustworthy...Now I think that appreciation should be added into the equation.

有些東西，無需想起，但从沒忘記 ……mi manchii molto

Souvenirs given

A random post to fill up my blog territory here:

MY COLLECTION OF SOUVENIRS GIVEN BY FAMILY MEMBERS & FRIENDS (YEAR 2011)

From Korea: a cute pencil case and keychain given by my close roommate =)

My youngest sister had followed my dad to Taiwan (annual company trip) this year. As I study at another state, I lost the chance to join the trip again! ish.. my another sister had followed to travel to China and had visited to China Exposition during the previous year.. Sigh~ When I can join the annual trip with my dad?! T.T

Taiwan souvenirs given by family and hui shan

According to my sis, this is given by a hotel staff.

cute slippers keychain , well, it's very costly!

Spongebob mobile phone accessories.. bought from theme park in Taiwan

handmade soap given by hui shan, thanks!

Bad day

Last Thursday~

It was a terrible day that I had gone through where something bad had happened to me unexpectedly. It's my own mistake for carrying two luggages with a backpack on my back when go back to KL. I did not sleep well on the previous night as something had happened and indeed it ruined my mood. Huh...

It was around 5pm which was the rush hour in KL.The train was crowded when it arrived at the station of Bandar Tasik Selatan. I felt my right body being pushed into the train but I thought that it was normal since many people disembarked while the people standing behind me were just rushing into the train. I was managed to enter the train and standing near the door. After putting down my luggages on the floor whilst the door of ktm closed, I tucked my hand inside my right pocket of my jeans and found that the phone wasn't there. I quickly reach for it in my left pocket yet it wasn't there too. I began to feel frightened and quickly searched for my handset in luggages and backpack. It's gone! I asked the people who standing around me if they ever see anyone taking something out from my pocket. The feeling of losing handset was very terrible and I felt so hopeless! Huh..I realized that I had been pickpocketed when the people disembarked out from the train that moment. I had been asking people around to lend me handset to call my parents and sister yet I was very unlucky to have them not picking the phone. I had the Hobson's Choice to call him to contact my sister since I am using other's handphone for few moments. I felt so ashamed of myself for encounter accident again when I reached KL. I was even being advised by some passengers for being extra be careful when taking KTM.

Huh...luckily my mom was contacted finally and she reached to fetch me. I burst into crying when met her,knowing that it's the second time I met accident when came back from Johor. Naturally, I was being scolded by mom for not being careful and bringing two luggages on hand. Shall I felt relieved that I am still alive and my purse was not gone? I had to pay RM15 for the sim card to be replaced. When I recalled back, the lost handset was almost out of battery thus the credits were not being used. Yet, my heart is still bleeding ever since I lost the phone as many memorable messages had been kept inside the handset and now, they are forever gone. I also regretted that I didn't copy the phone numbers and therefore it became a great problem for me later on to try to contact the persons whose names were kept in the phone. Sighed...Am I looked very blur, easy to be cheated or pickpocketed?But I do know that it was my mistake too for not being careful in the crowded area. Sighed! Minutes before being pickpocketed, I even had used my handset to try contacting my home! Argh!!!

I really hate the society in KL. nowadays..The main factor for all the social skulduggery in KL. or any big cities is that the country has recruited too many foreigners especially Negroid. Look, I am not having discriminative attitude towards them but the recruitment of foreigners in malaysia is seemed to be out of control nowadays. Our country cannot track the lost mobile phone like some other countries out there.. Haiz.. can't our government or authorities enhance themselves and take draconian measures towards the social decadence?!

I miss my Nokia 6120...I couldn't buy it from marketplace anymore...=( I felt so regretted for not backup my phonebook and certain messages~ I felt awfully upset because parents took this accident openly and dad even got me a handset yesterday. It's a lesson to be learnt and I really have to be cautious when going anywhere from now onwards.

Nevertheless, I really appreciated the help given by the KL.central guy, the uncle and the malay auntie who had lent me to use their handsets to contact people for help...

I miss the days I used to have smooth paths to move on safely..

I miss the days I used to be cheerful and brave...

I miss the days I don't put up fake smiles..Huh...seriously, when the bad days will leave me?

Chinese New Year is Approaching

Chinese New Year is approaching and followed by the special day that I once looking forward to..Anyway, day-dreams may disappear somehow...

Well, I am having fever with Apple Products out of sudden... I have strong affinity towards Apple brand i-touch, iphone or ipad..Uh..yet I am out of finance..Apart from that, I wish to get myself a DLSR soon, thinking of capturing the nice snapshots around me.It's like finding back my interests.Sooner or later, I will be busier for SIFE tasks and seriously I do hope that my emotion problem might not ruin things by now onwards.Holding the post of multimedia manager brings the significance of responsibility, and I have to start brainstorming how to use flash softwares, making videos and presenting nice slides and so on.

I am still waiting for some miracles, hmm.. the answers~

Ps: Somehow I miss my true smiles, laughs...

Will there be someone that could understand me?

It seems like I have no freedom to do the things I want, I desire to...Sometimes, in my life, I felt that the journey I walk through is getting harder and harder even I always keep the faith that everything will get better in time. My wound never get better, indeed it's pain~ My world has become so dark and empty with the hope being ruined..I am just feel like breaking down and hoping to leave to somewhere there will be having no sorrows, no troubles, no weeps, ....

I am tired of explaining things that I don't even know how to express it out now...You don't have to believe in me if you don't trust me. I am sick of everything that is happening to me, my family and my aunts...My family has no peace of facing a sicko neighbor who has(had) threatening the life of ours. My house may be burned by her one day and the whole family is living in worries. My beloved aunt is having severe sickness nowadays and I could only pray hard to have her being safe and recovered. How could I burden up my family when they have faced problems too? Shall I still begging for concerns from them or making them worried?! Can anyone knows how I feel right now? I am feeling lost, hurt, and I am really helpless! I wish I could run away from everything!

To whom that finds it fun to be fooling around, you don't know what it's like until you wear the shoes in mine! Don't throw any useless and stupid blames on me when you don't even know what is really happening! Give me some peace of mind...

It's said to be everyone has his or her own problem to face with, I don't hope to burden up my friends who have their own obstacles too..Somehow, I just hope that there will be someone I can rely on when I need help the most and now I just feel no one will be there for me..

And all my sorrows made their bed beside me

The shame, the disgrace, and the brutality,

Leave all the sorrows behind me,

Trying to overwhelm with calmness,

Being the true self of mine...