A Slight Twist of Concentration to Embrace Sadness of Grief

Each of our heart has an inner room where we hold our greatest treasures and the deepest pain which are resulted from sadness of grief. Both sadness and grief are inextricably linked. Sadness is like an anchor dragging down any momentum of joy. The life becomes upside down when being engulfed by the grief, consequently the physical, cognitive and emotional self is being affected. Ever experienced restless nights with insomnia and tears accompanying you while you are trying hard to wallow the pain and heal the wound by yourself? The on-going process of grieving wholeheartedly, wallowing the pain and healing the wound could be taking much longer time than what's expected. Sadly, there are people who are unable to step out from the misery of grief where these people might choose to end their life.

Saying this from my own experience, it's a difficult process of struggling over the sadness of the loss of loved one, the betrayal, upsetting life, work stress, and etcetera. The mind and feeling have non-stop battles, consequently you have hundred or thousand of times lingering around the same question " Why this ever happen to me?"," Why is he/ she does this to me...?"," Is that the karma?", etc. This is exactly the same as the 1st stage of grief framework. Next stage will be overwhelming with denials of the truth and engulfed with anger, following by bargaining. The heart swings back and forth between the need to be determined and the urge to escape. There comes the depression where my mind is engulfed by the picture in my brain how things are supposed to be. Yea, my life is screwed up by own expectation. The cruelty of reality has to be accepted finally whereby you have to master the art of the broken pieces of yourself.

14th July, a remarkable date of this year that I have received two bad news. A respectful ex-principal has passed away due to cancer, while an ex-schoolmate has committed suicide due to depression. Perhaps the video above could let us picturing how depression affects a person physically, cognitively, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. While death as a result of depression exhausts the grief self , there are many ways to alleviate the pain and embrace sadness. In other words, we need to find ways to change the emotional states:

1. Seeing eye-to-eye with own feelings and minds. Sometimes, sadness and grief let you aware the importance of the lost, and of course the real needs of yourself too. Self-love is what I have found out from recent loss realizing that I have cared over those little thing/ people too much than they deserve.
2. Let the tears flow- Aching heart need tears to be accompanied with. Crying out aloud is an avenue to release negative energy. 
3. Create space. When being depressed and exhausted, it is imperative that you find times when you can walk away from the place where you are needed most to take deep breaths and recollect your minds.This method works to me most of the time when come to workplace stress and dissatisfied work. People loves to judge and interrupt your privacy. Whether you like it or not, some may claim that this is breaking the ice (they would like to befriend with you/ knowing you more). This is not to say we should be anti-social. Rather, a short period of time where we need to concentrate without being distracted.Turn off social media and keep yourself away from the human interruption. I find that a short getaway or solo trip, a journey to jogging, a retreat on food are great ways when you need to reclaim the sacred space for mediating yourself.
4. Deviate the attention to work, relationship, sports and etc. While focus is placed on other stuff, you will find that less crying, less over-eating, more space and time for yourself. Japanese lesson has come in time, where I have most of the time occupied in mastering the language. Bakery is also one of the best avenues to keep you busy for the whole day (preparing ingredients, checking the recipes, baking, serving and cleaning up the mess).
5. Set up goals. It takes months or years for the healing process depending how much the damage is done to yourself. Healing doesn't mean the damage doesn't exist, but it means you're controlling it from continuously devastation of yourself. A twist of concentration to embrace the sadness could be done by having a slight twist of concentration on the goals you set for yourself. Goals to be achieved- career, reduced weight, participate in marathon, experiencing something new, etc. 
6. Seek for motivational words - Positive words from articles, books, blogs, song lyrics and etc. could help to change your emotional state to calmer, less sadness. Sometimes, you need friends or external parties to talk to when you're in the sorrow. 

When you stop struggling to make something go the way you've expected it to,
you will find ways to start your life anew!

10 Things to Let Go to Make Rooms for Self-Improvement

In life, we have many ambitious desires which are achievable and we persevere stoically to achieve them. We usually have a long wish list such as building a wonderful family, have a supportive lover, a big house, to be a rich billionaire, trips to overseas and etc. Sometimes, things do not come towards our expectation and it feels like the world has turned upside down. I've recently read an meaningful article that we have too many things that we need, want or desire, but we could never make room to own the rest without letting go some things that we shall eliminate. I hope to give myself a birthday gift this year by letting go these 10 things for a healthier, happier and more successful life.

Clear the negative things to make space for things that're worth holding onto.

10 things that cause pain, suffer, unhappiness should be let go to make life less complicated and make rooms for happiness and self-improvement.

1. Prioritize others' thoughts/ opinions over your own self

We spend too much time worrying and thinking about others' thought and opinions or craving for others' attention. We often being influenced by people that we care of and some of them would like to change us to become whom they wish we are. We take the comments, critics, opinions or others more serious than our own inner voice. A change of better self is for our own, not to impress others. Also, we used to think of ways to please or impress others, yet we forget that the true happiness is created by us, not depends on the others' approval/ thought. We shall not forget that the price tag (value) of ourselves depends on how we create for our own. A quote I like very much," Don't make somebody a priority if they only make you as an option".

The purpose of life is to please our own selves and create own "price tag".

2. Grudges

Time and tides awaits for no men, life is short to be spent for grudges. There's often sound advice from surrounding people that we should forgive the wrongdoings and the enemies. Some people do not deserve the forgiveness, however the decision to make a closure for nursing the bitterness is still on our own hands. If we keep overwhelmed with the thought of condoning the enemies, I think it's easier to let go the grudges although struggles happen during this process.

Don't live in the silly drama.

3. The ideal belief of "forever"

When we hold onto some things, we used to have the belief of owning them forever. Neither richness, health, happiness,time, luck, opportunities nor love, none will be there forever. Pretty often, we tend to forget that things are change over the time. In fact, life is full of dramatically changes and almost everything is temporary. Just like there's often sunshine after the thunderstorm. Similarly, the same goes to the downside of life, nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you do not belong. The ideal belief of things will stay forever should be let go, I often remind myself to hold onto the present and appreciate the people who stay around me now.

Live in present and appreciate the current moment.

4. Self-defeating

Psychologically interpretation of self-defeating is a self-protection method after being hurt or when face with difficulties. As the sayings from Eckhart Tolle "The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.”,self-defeating could prevent us to face the realities stoically. Problem exists and will not lose no matter how much self-defeating talk/ thought are sounded nicer.It's bona fide to say that it's more realistic to acknowledge and admit the weak part of ourselves, pick up the pieces of broken self, re-compile and stand up after the fall.

Storing too much negative things, there's no room for happiness.

You may lose something good, but you could gain better in the future.

5. Procrastination/ lackadaisical attititude

Procrastination is the worst habit I want to let go as the action towards the goals always being delayed. A trainer once told me that the more days you procrastinate, the more days you delay being the one you want to be. This relates to my goal of achieving 50kg weight and it seems so hard to achieve as I am the procrastinator.

Don't take another day of blessings for granted, make use of it!

6. Toxic people

As the word "toxic" sounds, these circle of people which brings negative thought, hatred or uncomfortable feeling, it's best to detached from these kind of people. It's a norm where we used to have these toxic people around us, either in workplace, friend's circle, neighborhood, relatives and etc. There's a book worth reading i.e. " Toxic People: 10 Ways Of Dealing With People Who Make Your Life Miserable" written by Dr. Lilian Glass, with 10 proven techniques for successfully dealing with them, including: Tension-Blowout, Unplugging, Direct Confrontation, Humor, Giving Them Love and Kindness,Mirroring and other techniques. Well, a simple way for us to let go of these toxic people for a simpler life is unplug.

People come into our lives to serve some sorts of purpose, as blessings, as lesson, as a seasonal "Santa Claus" .
Some come into our lives to teach us how to let go.

7.  Setting High Expectations

Have you ever find yourself suffering from the expectations that you set for your own self? The expectations you set have plagued your life, causing sorrow, disappointment, frustration, forlorn and etc. We used to persistently maintaining the expectation even we have clearly understood that these expectations are unrealistic. Also, we usually repeat the same mistakes over time i.e expecting too much from the ones we care. Somehow, I noticed that I used to bewildered by my own expectations, consequently losing confidence and positive mindset whenever the expectation goes against the life-flow.  My dad; a wise man's words "Be in the moment of choices, then value and discover the opportunities rather than trap in the squares of expectations that you have set for yourself.".  On the side note, do we make S.M.A.R.T (Acronym for  Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timely) expectations?  Back off to protect ourselves if the expectation (goal) is unattainable.

"Expectation is the root of all heartache"~ William Shakespeare

8. Waiting 

Good things don't come towards yourself. You have to seek for it rather than wait for it to happen. Same goes to opportunities and pursuit of happiness. Although there are articles mentioning that good things are worth waiting for, however the recent tragedies of MH370, MH17 and unexpected accidents have changed my mind. We do not what will happen during the next second, why should we spend time to wait for something that might not happen. Rather than waiting, it's advisable to live in the present, utilize every seconds, minutes and hours now for improving own self or for the important ones such as family and those we love and care.

Always be prepared to reach for the stars!

9. Unnecessary Insecurity

Maslow's hierarchy of needs has portrayed the fundamental needs ranged from physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging, esteem and self-actualization. With basic needs of food, shelter and clothing are relatively satisfied, we will prioritize on safety needs such as personal safety, job security, health security and etc. Unnecessary insecurity often come from our own judgment, own doubts over ourselves, guessing games and silly drama we created in brain. The consequences of unnecessary insecurity often jeopardize relationships and detrimental to our health. I personally agree that if there's something that causes insecurity constantly, perhaps it's not belonged to you.

Have faith and be positive!

10. Negative Comparisons/ Judgment

One of the most self-blinding and defeating habits that many of us have is the tendency to compare ourselves to others. During young age, the people surrounding used to say" X has better results than you", " your height is lower than Y" , " Z enters a better school than yours" and etc. When age grows, I've the tendency of comparing myself with others via these metrics such as job function, income level, job title and etc. Sometimes, I feel proud of myself for doing better, yet these kind of comparisons used to jeopardize the self-esteem, providing much more fear that " I did not perform better that I thought that I could be".  During the recent training I attended, the trainer had taught us to transform the comparison process to self-evaluation process by learning and taking up the other person's qualities, strength and talents. The self-evaluation process could help reducing jealousy and learn to admit own weaknesses while acknowledging others' accomplishments.

Learn to accept imperfections.

There's always a light shining in the darkness.

We confine by the walls we build ourselves,

let's step out from comfort zone
to grow, to be happier, to free ourselves from negativity, to be successful.

Other articles worth reading: http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/08/7-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-a-more-powerful-person/ 

Explore Silhouette Photography

I am not a professional photographer and I couldn't even introduce myself as a entry-level photographer. However, I just have the strong passion for photography. My photography themes could be varied from portraits, scenery, animals, nature, foods, water splashes and any other things that capture my attention.

Well, I just noticed some silhouette shots had been taken unknowingly when I checked on how to refine my photography to expose the objects. One of my pals once mentioned that some photography which was shot against the light could get entirely different photos which creates a sense of mystery in photos. If you browse the internet, you will find that silhouette is one of the photography techniques. Silhouette photography could be done by shooting a subject with back light in order to show its outline. 

Succinctly stated, silhouette photography i.e. the subjects of the photography appear to be completely dark and the background is exposed, thus creating a perfect silhouette. 

Captured in Forest Research Institute Malaysia.

One of the silhouette photography that I love the most. 
Don't you think the branches are like thoughts or ideas spanning out from our minds? 

The mother of Nature!

One of the tree branches tangled with another trees' branches.

The world is small, yet the cities are big.Some people that we have met now might not been meeting again next time.

Does it look like China scenery calligraphy?

The glowing sun was too bright.
I hope that I could capture 'egg-yolk' colour sun next time.

 Winter sonata!

 This shall be a failed silhouette photography as with blur image and unclear edges. 

However, I would like to keep this as one of the collection.

Could you see few love-shaped leaves shadow?

' You will never be lonely, as I am always by your side'.

The trees, lake and the sun.

It feels right to see the trees silhouetted against the sky.

The feeling of serenity of the world...

You can once forget the sorrows, anger and agony.

 It would be great if I managed to capture the ducks which were there moments before I took this photo.

The branches may grow in different directions but they share the same root; just like family.

The tree silhouettes

Each of our lives would be a special part of others.

Just like the tree, each adds certain significant value to this botanic garden / research institute.

Kanashii

It is strange that words are so inadequate to describe how's the feeling of the one when loneliness and sadness sets in. Sometimes, I do feel that bad relationship with siblings brings a terrible feeling, it makes me feel that I am isolated. It would be great that I able to have further studies at other states again. Having fun with friends makes me feel that I am not a loner.

I guess....

ASS.U.ME.

An assumption is based upon what one may have observed another one to do and then knowingly or unknowingly placed the previous observations into a pattern(s) of cycles that later form a label to what one mind would think is a probable act for the other one. This is something that happens to most people when interacting with a person for a period of time, They start to measure the other persons' reality, to their past impressions. 

Assumption is often be made by us most of the time. We assume that what we say and do can be understood by the ones who are closer with us. We assume that we don't need to thank parents for what they contribute. We assume that it is okay for friends to clear up mess for us. We assume that there's not a big deal to kidding with friends, not knowing that it may cause misunderstanding. 

I have inevitably adopted assumptions recently, and my friend shared with me this topic i.e. ' Assume'. Admittedly, I had never heard the phrase, "When you assume, it makes an ass out of you and me," until fairly recently. My friend told me about the root words of 'assume' which are:

Assume= Ass + u + me. 

Thus, by assuming we make an ass of not only others but ourselves too. I think that it is simply a human instinct to assume things, yet it often turn out to be different than what we assume or expect. Just because you perceive something a certain way, doesn't mean it is true. It boils up things easily especially with a false assumption. 

The assumption that I made today made a sweet conversation be ended badly. It made terrible mood existed throughout the night. 

 "You should never assume. 

You know what happens when you assume. 

You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled."

-Ellen DeGeneres 

Outing with buddies

TGIF..THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY! It's the second week of the semester break holidays and I was still lagging behind. I was overwhelmed with lazy mood as I just didn't go accordingly to my scheduled plan which I should have completed my questionnaire design of final year project (FYP). Uh.. It's a huge difference between the working speed of mine now compared to the working speed when I was in my hostel.

Nah... Were I overworked when I was in hostel? HAHA..Since the day I came home, I found that I tend to sleep longer than I was in hostel! My mom started to nag on me, wanting me to work already. Well, I didn't plan to work this semester holiday, hoping that I can settle my FYP part 2 in this holidays. Hehe.. I wanna be  faster ahead than others! =)
_________________________________________________________________________________
Well, it's friday morning and I was on holiday =P That's quite unlikely I will get a stack of books to work on my FYP today or reading up my novels. Indeed, I went out for party XD. Perhaps being emancipated from FYP for a day could motivate me to put efforts on it after coming back from having fun.


YY had stood us up today, leaving only HH, Wai Min and I went to Neway Karaoke; One Utama. The lunch deal was of great value as we could order a set of main meal and a drink with free buffets at the catering side.After we placed our handbags in our room, Wai Min and I went to the buffet catering side and started to piling up our plates with soups, meehoon, mixed vegetables, corn soups, salads with different types of sauces and porridge. I had added some garlic bread cubes in my porridge and it was delicious!


Considering the price ranging from RM8++ which includes not only a set of meals plus a lunch buffet, but also 4 hours of karaoke, I would say it was a great deal. Moreover, three of us were given one microphone each and we had enjoyed very much to live out all our rockstar dreams! At 2pm, Wai Min and I were exhausted and we ended up chatting with HH continued soloing.


After the karaoke-session, we went for window-shopping as Wai Min will need some apparels for her internship in the following week. I was glad to find out Uniqlo's singlets have limited promotion price @ RM19.90 instead of RM39.90 which I saw in MV on Tuesday! There has no more purple premium cotton tank top which I tried on Tuesday, hence I purchased the blue one. I love the design of the singlets which perfectly cover the weakness of my body and its good quality. Both of the girls had bought two singlets from there! As usual, guy will be waiting at outside of the store, playing with his own mobile phone =P I just realized that Starbucks had promotion of half-price frappuccino blended beverages during 5pm-7pm. Such a good offer, right?! And yea, the girls had headed to grab the 50% off frappuccino beverages before we continued our next shopping journey to Brands Outlet.

My Mocha Frappuccino!
Thanks to the recommendation of  HH; the richie who drank it  before Happy Hour!

Okay, Wai Min grabbed her skirt @ Nichii and it's of good quality and could be matched with any type of blouses. I would say it's worth the price! Here's the apparels that I bought on the day!

Purple 2-way singlet and blue premium cotton tank top from Uniqlo ;
and a blouse from Nichii ( which I attracted by its unique design)

The end of shopping during this holidays as I am broke!

bad mood

Okay, sometimes feelings are just hard to be expressed through words..

My mood today was as bad as the weather. =(

H.I.A.T.U.S .. Hiatus

Recently edited the picture above with different effects, somehow looking at it, I felt calm..(I don't know why..)

There are some interesting and meaningful phrases I read from Facebook :

• 不要做刺猬 ,能不与人结仇就不与人结仇 ,谁也不跟谁一辈子 ,有些事情没必要记在心上 ...
• 没有十全十美的东西，没有十全十美的人，关键是清楚到底想要什么。得到想要的，肯定会失去另外一部分。如果什么都想要，只会什么都得不到。
• 纠缠，如同一根橡皮筋，时刻拉着自己，稍点就感受到那紧迫的束缚，让人感觉厌倦和疲劳，慢慢的就会开始有了逆反心理，然而这一种紧密的力量把这样的两个人连在一起，系在了一起。一个拽，一个跑，彼此因为对方感觉到自己的存在，不空虚，不寂寞.
• 真正的矛盾，不是不理解一个人，而是你不会宽容它的缺点

Anyway,calvin, if you read my blog, i wish to tell you that let's just entail forgiving the person. Perhaps we shall cheer for knowing the truth earlier although we hate accepting all that had happened, take care..We experience a loss or betrayal and are filled with hurt and anger. We blame the person who wronged us as the cause of our pain. At this point, we're not considering that we have a choice about how to respond. We're just feeling wounded by the offense.

Read more: http://www.thirdage.com/divorce/the-four-stages-of-becoming-a-forgiving-person#ixzz1Ebkjhf48

ps: Thanks to er xuan who sent me this article..

My sun is rising up again...

Thanks to those who have shared many meaningful articles, their bittersweet stories with me..

The aids you all gave, the trust you all have in me, the supports you all gave...

I really felt touched and appreciative with the presence of you all.

Thank you..

I will be fine and learn to be tough..

sadness

In drama, movies, and so on
the actors always claimed that they are having heartache during certain circumstances,
but how many know what it really feels like
it's like the chambers of your heart
shrinking immediately with no blood can pass through,
suffocating is the best described
and
do you know
I feel that every time

when realizing that there's none I really can trust of...

and there's none I can share my sorrows with..

The world is cruel with so many double-faced person around..

The person you are trusted with may actually doing so many tactics behind..

My life is sickening with the presence of you.. I really hate what you have done..

And the person I cared the most doesn't trust in what i said and done..

the sorrow will pass,

the happiness will soon follow,

and being me,

just await the time,

for the dark to go.

Lost of mobile phone Nokia 6120

As Chinese New Year is approaching, mom has been busy baking cookies again! Hehe.. I really felt thankful to have a wonderful mom who is great in baking cookies! I will be having coffee almond cookies, kuih bangkit 番婆饼, green pea cookies, almond cookies, cornflakes cookies and etcetera. Somehow looking at the tolerance existing between parents, I felt glad of it. (Dad tolerates with mom who likes baking many cookies to her siblings... Well, if you count the prices of the materials to bake cookies and preparation for CNY eve's food, somehow will feel heartache.) hmm...

With the lost of Nokia 6120, I am like losing something that is very important to me.. Is that because of the messages and photos that I kept inside the mobile phone? or due to the songs that ever being shared with? Hmm...well, I told my dearie godsis, siew teng about the lost of handphone and missed the contents of it, and she told me that she believed everything inside the mobile phone did not disappear but had been embedded inside my heart. Hmm.. yeap, what she said was true! With the lost of it, I realized how much I had treasured those messages,photos, songs, everything of it! Sighed..

不要问我为什么，

我就是这样傻傻的，

依旧认为有一天，

折翼的爱情，

也有复原的一天。

什么时候我会以曾经来形容它呢？

Bad day

Last Thursday~

It was a terrible day that I had gone through where something bad had happened to me unexpectedly. It's my own mistake for carrying two luggages with a backpack on my back when go back to KL. I did not sleep well on the previous night as something had happened and indeed it ruined my mood. Huh...

It was around 5pm which was the rush hour in KL.The train was crowded when it arrived at the station of Bandar Tasik Selatan. I felt my right body being pushed into the train but I thought that it was normal since many people disembarked while the people standing behind me were just rushing into the train. I was managed to enter the train and standing near the door. After putting down my luggages on the floor whilst the door of ktm closed, I tucked my hand inside my right pocket of my jeans and found that the phone wasn't there. I quickly reach for it in my left pocket yet it wasn't there too. I began to feel frightened and quickly searched for my handset in luggages and backpack. It's gone! I asked the people who standing around me if they ever see anyone taking something out from my pocket. The feeling of losing handset was very terrible and I felt so hopeless! Huh..I realized that I had been pickpocketed when the people disembarked out from the train that moment. I had been asking people around to lend me handset to call my parents and sister yet I was very unlucky to have them not picking the phone. I had the Hobson's Choice to call him to contact my sister since I am using other's handphone for few moments. I felt so ashamed of myself for encounter accident again when I reached KL. I was even being advised by some passengers for being extra be careful when taking KTM.

Huh...luckily my mom was contacted finally and she reached to fetch me. I burst into crying when met her,knowing that it's the second time I met accident when came back from Johor. Naturally, I was being scolded by mom for not being careful and bringing two luggages on hand. Shall I felt relieved that I am still alive and my purse was not gone? I had to pay RM15 for the sim card to be replaced. When I recalled back, the lost handset was almost out of battery thus the credits were not being used. Yet, my heart is still bleeding ever since I lost the phone as many memorable messages had been kept inside the handset and now, they are forever gone. I also regretted that I didn't copy the phone numbers and therefore it became a great problem for me later on to try to contact the persons whose names were kept in the phone. Sighed...Am I looked very blur, easy to be cheated or pickpocketed?But I do know that it was my mistake too for not being careful in the crowded area. Sighed! Minutes before being pickpocketed, I even had used my handset to try contacting my home! Argh!!!

I really hate the society in KL. nowadays..The main factor for all the social skulduggery in KL. or any big cities is that the country has recruited too many foreigners especially Negroid. Look, I am not having discriminative attitude towards them but the recruitment of foreigners in malaysia is seemed to be out of control nowadays. Our country cannot track the lost mobile phone like some other countries out there.. Haiz.. can't our government or authorities enhance themselves and take draconian measures towards the social decadence?!

I miss my Nokia 6120...I couldn't buy it from marketplace anymore...=( I felt so regretted for not backup my phonebook and certain messages~ I felt awfully upset because parents took this accident openly and dad even got me a handset yesterday. It's a lesson to be learnt and I really have to be cautious when going anywhere from now onwards.

Nevertheless, I really appreciated the help given by the KL.central guy, the uncle and the malay auntie who had lent me to use their handsets to contact people for help...

I miss the days I used to have smooth paths to move on safely..

I miss the days I used to be cheerful and brave...

I miss the days I don't put up fake smiles..Huh...seriously, when the bad days will leave me?

Will there be someone that could understand me?

It seems like I have no freedom to do the things I want, I desire to...Sometimes, in my life, I felt that the journey I walk through is getting harder and harder even I always keep the faith that everything will get better in time. My wound never get better, indeed it's pain~ My world has become so dark and empty with the hope being ruined..I am just feel like breaking down and hoping to leave to somewhere there will be having no sorrows, no troubles, no weeps, ....

I am tired of explaining things that I don't even know how to express it out now...You don't have to believe in me if you don't trust me. I am sick of everything that is happening to me, my family and my aunts...My family has no peace of facing a sicko neighbor who has(had) threatening the life of ours. My house may be burned by her one day and the whole family is living in worries. My beloved aunt is having severe sickness nowadays and I could only pray hard to have her being safe and recovered. How could I burden up my family when they have faced problems too? Shall I still begging for concerns from them or making them worried?! Can anyone knows how I feel right now? I am feeling lost, hurt, and I am really helpless! I wish I could run away from everything!

To whom that finds it fun to be fooling around, you don't know what it's like until you wear the shoes in mine! Don't throw any useless and stupid blames on me when you don't even know what is really happening! Give me some peace of mind...

It's said to be everyone has his or her own problem to face with, I don't hope to burden up my friends who have their own obstacles too..Somehow, I just hope that there will be someone I can rely on when I need help the most and now I just feel no one will be there for me..

And all my sorrows made their bed beside me

The shame, the disgrace, and the brutality,

Leave all the sorrows behind me,

Trying to overwhelm with calmness,

Being the true self of mine...

Happiness

The recent shocking news of a guy who committed suicide for his beloved ex gf had shown that the recklessness of parents who lack of concern of their children and the youngsters have cavalier attitude towards their own precious life. Is that really worthwhile to spend your time, life and tears for someone who doesn't love you anymore? "Romeo takes me to somewhere we can be along" is a girl's wishes, hoping that her Mr. Right could bring the felicity and happiness to her. Well, there are many inevitable thing happening in the love story.I hate to say that there are many Korean male/ female celebrities committed suicide because of love too. Committing suicide is just an avenue to avoid the responsibility and sorrows or anger. Leaving your beloved ones with a letter before committing suicide and after all, if you ever know they will be heartbroken to see your corpse with the letter in hand?!

Parents and family are still the only one who will not hurt you much and love you=) there are some exceptions to certain families yet the quote " blood is thicker than water" applies in general. Please do love your own self before loving others.

Life, fulled of bittersweet memories.

Just like my blog's title, it's a bittersweet symphony of life.

Being happy is something I am learning.

The greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being.

Let's smile even it's a bad day=)

At least you are still alive to undergo the sorrows.

Tears

Tears are words the heart can't express,

Tears fall,

They can be easily wiped off with the sleeves,

but how do I erase the stain from my heart?

How to mend the shattered heart which often be teared?

Appreciate life

It's surprising to hear that my friend's friend had jumped down from a building to commit suicide, and he's dead. Well, what comes to our thought when heard such news was: " What had happened to him?", "Why he chose such approach?" "Is the news real?"...Huh..although he is not my friend, but I do feel pity for him who has chosen such approach to end his life because of owing others money.. Huh, human beings, please do appreciate life although sometimes, the sorrows are hard to be beared. Be tough!

29th Aug., terrible night...

The rain falls because the sky can no longer handle its heavyness..Just like tears. It falls because the heart can no longer handle the pain...terrible night in which no concern was given while I was suffered of fever..

Noted=(

Life as having many unanticipated events where full of bittersweet moments. Indeed, there are moments in life that we need to get out from our comfort zone.Everything has its limits and it burst out when its totally heavy to carry on. But what's the essence of this quote is that we learn to let go of the pain.

突然

突然

心中有莫名的哀伤

慢慢地，泪水就滑落脸颊。。。

突然

很想把脑袋放空

很想把开怀填进我的心扉。。。

突然

有点落寞，我不懂该怎么说，让它在无声中逝去

或许，那个常欢笑的女生已离我远去。。。

是时候找回自我了吗？

random2

RANDOM DESIGNS

你，有没有这样的时候？

你，有没有这样的时候？
莫名地心情不好，不想和任何人说话，只想一个人静静地发呆，怀念着逝去的人和事。

你，有没有这样的时候？
突然觉得心情烦躁，看什么都觉得不舒服，心里闷得发慌，拼命想寻找一个出口。

你，有没有这样的时候？
发现身边的人都不了解自己，面对着身边的人，突然觉得说不出话。

你，有没有这样的时候？
突然感觉自己与世界格格不入，你曾经一直坚持的东西一夜之间面目全非。

你，有没有这样的时候？
突然很想逃离现在的生活，想不顾一切收拾自己简单的行李去流浪。

你，有没有这样的时候？
别人突然对你说：我觉得你变了。然后，自己开始百感交集。

你，有没有这样的时候？
突然希望时间为你停下来，就这样一直和喜欢的人地老天荒。

你，有没有这样的时候？
在自己脆弱的时候，想一个人躲起来，不愿别人看到自己的伤口。

你，有没有这样的时候？
突然很想哭，却难过得哭不出来。

你，有没有这样的时候？
夜深人静的时候，突然觉得寂寞深入骨髓。

你，有没有这样的时候？
走过熟悉的街角，看到熟悉的背影，突然就想起一个人的脸。

你，有没有这样的时候？
明明自己心里有很多话想要说，却不知道怎样表达。

你，有没有这样的时候？
心中有一股无名的火，很想找个人发泄，很想大声喊出来。

你，有没有这样的时候？
觉得自己其实一无所有，仿佛被世界抛弃。

你，有没有这样的时候？
明明自己身边很多朋友，却依然觉得孤单。

你，有没有这样的时候？
很想放纵自己，希望自己彻彻底底醉一次。

你，有没有这样的时候？
自己的梦想很多，却力不从心。

你，有没有这样的时候？
常常找不到事情做，无聊得无所适从。

你，有没有这样的时候？
突然找不到自己，把自己弄丢了。

你，有没有这样的时候？
心里突然冒出一种“厌倦”的情绪，觉得自己很累很累。

你，有没有这样的时候？
看不到自己未来的样子，面对未来，迷茫得不知所措。

你，有没有这样的时候？
发现自己一夜之间长大了。

你，有没有这样的时候？
听到一首老歌，就突然想起了一个人。

你，有没有这样的时候？
希望能找个人好好疼爱自己，渴望一种安全感。

你，有没有这样的时候？
别人误解了自己有口无心的一句话，心里郁闷得发慌。

你，有没有这样的时候？
常常在回忆里挣扎，有很多过去无法释怀。

你，有没有这样的时候？
渴望一场轰轰烈烈的恋爱，很想去做一些疯狂的事。

你，有没有这样的时候？
渴望被人理解，渴望别人的关怀，渴望一份简单的快乐。

你，有没有这样的时候？
看着时间一点点流逝，自己却无能为力。


熟悉的或陌生的你，
如果你也有这样的时候，说明你在无奈中一天天成长了。
在无奈中成长起来的，有你，也有我。。。
别让昨天在你伤口狂妄的洒盐。。

上篇文章在朋友-wenxin的部落格看到，突然觉得我常有这些时候！！！好无奈的人生！！huh

Family conflict

Kazoku(家人）

What is the definition of family?
some say that it means the acronym of " Father and mom, I love You"
some say that family is a social unit that live together and support each other.
some say that it's comprised of blood-related genetically members. A intimacy connection?

It's veracious to say that respect,communication and trust are the cores of family relationships and harmony. However, below every single roof, most families encounter different type of family conflicts. Although quarrels are inevitable to occur among family members, yet in quarreling, the truth is always lost. The family members are supposed to be honest, respect, and trustworthy with each other.


However, in this day and age, hate, resentment, jealousy, rivalry, and disapproval are the most pertinent types of complexity among family members.There are skyrocketing broken families due to dad/husband indulging in drugs and gambling. Some parents are working round the clock,neglecting their children. Some parents are abusive and being violent, some even worse i.e. having salacious scene happen (rape cases , brother-sister incest and etc.). Some siblings fight and enter courts to fight for their passed-away parent's properties.Some desire to run away from home, divorce, or estrangement from family ties in order to escape from depressing life.

Family, are those who can observe and undertand your every expression of sorrows,happiness, anger, resentment and etcetera.
Family, should be the ones whom you can face them without wearing a mask to hide your emotion.
Family, should be the one who encourage, support and advice you whenever you meet the bane of one's life or have a can of worms.
Family, should be the one you are always can rely on when you are besetted with difficulties to seek for comforts.
Family, should be the one you will laugh or smile in heart whenever hear their names or think of them.




I never understand the rivalry between me and my rebellious brother. Is it because I owed him last decade? Or traditionally, the son is still the most important and owns the most authority, and others need to tolerate with him no matter what? Why is he always be the pain in the neck?! Should I feel lucky that I do not have a brother who smoke and indulge in drugs? just a rebellious one?

I came home with the hope for the peaceful days, yet it turned out to be the miserable, unhappy and gloomy life during my holidays. Mutual respect should be established between both family members, not the respect of one to be earned or manipulated.

Family relationship lasts for a lifetime, the blood flows inside us are the same. A person's parents and siblings will always be their parents and siblings.

Deep in my heart, I really hope that the family relationship can be enhanced and hopefully can build a good and warm family in future.