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Friday, August 29, 2008

catching up the voice in me~~

a little bit update of myself~~

It is a Spider's lair of forgotten despairs
I find myself searching for true friends and love
Everyone needs someone to stand by their side
Everyone needs a special someone to have their back.

It's delicate webbing to catch my fears
The final school life seem to be besetted with problems
There,when a guy talks to much to a girl,another girl might be jealous( nah,creepy feeling whenever talk to single-status guys)LOL
There,a girl might simply spoil others' friendships just to fulfill what she wants
There,some juniors' act are just very unprecedented (maybe for someone-me from girl school)
Fragments of all these,perhaps becoming half-remembered dreams in the future

The silence is defending.
My mind shouts realities,
True friends hard to be found
Love can't be reached
Here,I have made a revelation...
I will vow my enduring love
To adorn real friends and value if you treasure the friendships

No spiders,cats,reptiles,no creepy things that scare me( at this mean time^^)
The only fears that are truly justified
Are the nightmares that await me when I open my eyes?

-the end-

i may look brave to you.
but inside i'm nothing but a coward.

>>i need you to believe in me,and tell me it's alright <<

Thursday, August 7, 2008

The most heart-wrenching experience ?!

During the Chemistry lesson today, my mood has altered dramatically from joyful into reticent mood.It's seem like I was desperated to sit beside a guy and almost gonna to beg Mr.S to let me sit at the corner of the table.Without degrade my self-esteem,I moved to the original seat that i should be sitting.Yet,there's an obvious scene in which i was sitting alone while yan2 and sy had been moved to sit in front.

Was I have no rights to sit alone?Was it a necessary to have a companion sitting next to me?and was I don't even have the rights to be forlorn or being quiet?Well,I wasn't deaf or blind.It's insulting when hearing that" why u all dumped her there?" Gosh,am i a rubbish? ! I don't mind to sit alone(although did feel it's boring and felt as being left away).But I couldn't understand why all seem to show a kind of sympathy to me.I hate it.My blood was rushing up my neck during the lesson,forcing myself to concentrate~~However,I appreciated some who offered me to sit with them.

After school,I was even frustrated to received those msgs.Those ain't showing concern,but more like teasing.Yea,I knew somehow it did looked weird to be sitting alone and without them sitting next to me.So? And why should i continue degrading my self-respect after being rejected to sit there?! Gosh..I just couldn't believe she who is considered as close friend who said like that.

I could be having a serene day and joyful mood without having such good concern.

Keigo is a type of Japanese conjugation or way of speaking that is used when speaking between ranks, i.e."I put myself in a humble position, and I raise you up and honor you." or treating both as the same. Somehow,there are some of my friends tend to do the opposite. "You're wrong,I'm right(although you're doing something correct)," or in terms of "I have to find a way to make myself sound better than you."

I was barely to have happiness in my life recently."Thanks" for all the teasing and criticism. Try to be in my shoes and understand the feeling of mine before you commenting anyone or say anything.Will someone ctiticize u as moron,and making fun of your name,and u have to be happy of it? Nah..I do have rights to be angry of it.(Such joke or teasing had been repeated for lots times).


Praying hard that my sky will blue again~~

p/s: thanks to the tuition teacher who made lots jokes on that day~at least gaining back some smiles~~