A Slight Twist of Concentration to Embrace Sadness of Grief

Each of our heart has an inner room where we hold our greatest treasures and the deepest pain which are resulted from sadness of grief. Both sadness and grief are inextricably linked. Sadness is like an anchor dragging down any momentum of joy. The life becomes upside down when being engulfed by the grief, consequently the physical, cognitive and emotional self is being affected. Ever experienced restless nights with insomnia and tears accompanying you while you are trying hard to wallow the pain and heal the wound by yourself? The on-going process of grieving wholeheartedly, wallowing the pain and healing the wound could be taking much longer time than what's expected. Sadly, there are people who are unable to step out from the misery of grief where these people might choose to end their life.

Saying this from my own experience, it's a difficult process of struggling over the sadness of the loss of loved one, the betrayal, upsetting life, work stress, and etcetera. The mind and feeling have non-stop battles, consequently you have hundred or thousand of times lingering around the same question " Why this ever happen to me?"," Why is he/ she does this to me...?"," Is that the karma?", etc. This is exactly the same as the 1st stage of grief framework. Next stage will be overwhelming with denials of the truth and engulfed with anger, following by bargaining. The heart swings back and forth between the need to be determined and the urge to escape. There comes the depression where my mind is engulfed by the picture in my brain how things are supposed to be. Yea, my life is screwed up by own expectation. The cruelty of reality has to be accepted finally whereby you have to master the art of the broken pieces of yourself.

14th July, a remarkable date of this year that I have received two bad news. A respectful ex-principal has passed away due to cancer, while an ex-schoolmate has committed suicide due to depression. Perhaps the video above could let us picturing how depression affects a person physically, cognitively, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. While death as a result of depression exhausts the grief self , there are many ways to alleviate the pain and embrace sadness. In other words, we need to find ways to change the emotional states:

1. Seeing eye-to-eye with own feelings and minds. Sometimes, sadness and grief let you aware the importance of the lost, and of course the real needs of yourself too. Self-love is what I have found out from recent loss realizing that I have cared over those little thing/ people too much than they deserve.
2. Let the tears flow- Aching heart need tears to be accompanied with. Crying out aloud is an avenue to release negative energy. 
3. Create space. When being depressed and exhausted, it is imperative that you find times when you can walk away from the place where you are needed most to take deep breaths and recollect your minds.This method works to me most of the time when come to workplace stress and dissatisfied work. People loves to judge and interrupt your privacy. Whether you like it or not, some may claim that this is breaking the ice (they would like to befriend with you/ knowing you more). This is not to say we should be anti-social. Rather, a short period of time where we need to concentrate without being distracted.Turn off social media and keep yourself away from the human interruption. I find that a short getaway or solo trip, a journey to jogging, a retreat on food are great ways when you need to reclaim the sacred space for mediating yourself.
4. Deviate the attention to work, relationship, sports and etc. While focus is placed on other stuff, you will find that less crying, less over-eating, more space and time for yourself. Japanese lesson has come in time, where I have most of the time occupied in mastering the language. Bakery is also one of the best avenues to keep you busy for the whole day (preparing ingredients, checking the recipes, baking, serving and cleaning up the mess).
5. Set up goals. It takes months or years for the healing process depending how much the damage is done to yourself. Healing doesn't mean the damage doesn't exist, but it means you're controlling it from continuously devastation of yourself. A twist of concentration to embrace the sadness could be done by having a slight twist of concentration on the goals you set for yourself. Goals to be achieved- career, reduced weight, participate in marathon, experiencing something new, etc. 
6. Seek for motivational words - Positive words from articles, books, blogs, song lyrics and etc. could help to change your emotional state to calmer, less sadness. Sometimes, you need friends or external parties to talk to when you're in the sorrow. 

When you stop struggling to make something go the way you've expected it to,
you will find ways to start your life anew!

A Meaningful Article

The article which is written by Tribble Reese...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

After-thoughts: It was a bad day and my mind was a mess before reading this article. Having no sleep continuously for two days was a drastic nightmare to the soul itself. Sometimes, we used to know the simplest theory which is love yourself more than any others, but actions don't align with the brain. As the article mentioned, if spend all the time and energy on the small stuffs, we might never have room for other important things. Work is indeed important, but loved ones i.e. family and friends are matter too. It's just depends how we set our priorities and to take care of what are important for us first.

Hmm.. I had been thinking what I shall prior in my life, and making a hard decision for which I shall still persist.Perhaps it 's not the article which causes the decision-making, but is the faiths have faded off.

Untitled

“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and 

attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities.”

 ~Dalai Lama

Moving into New Territory

It was the day that we moved to new territory. In other words, we moved to a new place. There are many reasons causing my parents in this decision. One of the reasons is hope that 4 of the children to live in more comfortable surroundings. 

Leaving a place which I spent almost 20 years with was saddening enough. Moreover, how many of my friends or loved one could be connected after I had been moving to a farer place. She told me,' If the person wants to find you, she/he will able to find you since you have informed about the address'. Well, I lack of confidence in her spoken words. How many of us used to say that we will still keep in touch, but forgetting that it takes two to move the best foot forward each other?

A busy day ended after transferring furniture, un-boxing the clothes and groceries.  Here are some pictures of my current home...

My city

1,2,3,4,5....9

The swimming pool

My 24th birthday, Christmas and New Year 2014 will be spent in the new home.
Do you ever know how I wish that you would be able to come over?

Commitment

Waking up in the middle of the night and couldn't return to the dreamland is really an awful experience. 
Random things could be appearing in the active brain that doesn't want to rest during late night.Sometimes the best thing you can do is not to think, not to wonder, not to imagine and not to obsess. Just breathe and have faith that everything will work out for the best. The another side of your brain will tell you that " Dear, you need to find a solution".

Having shared goals is one of the keys to a happy relationship, and it subtly reminds each of you that you're working as a team. Living in separate homes does not mean have to lead separate lives and have separate futures. However, this takes two for a tango. Two persons have to share the same goals. There are two sides of a coin and would we have a optimistic view on this? I opine that even the most confident girls could be feeling insecure with the man she loves wholeheartedly, because deep down, she knows she has all to lose. Calling her paranoid of thinking too much? If you really love her, you wouldn't be as concerned over whether she's right or wrong, reasonable or unreasonable, but see that all she needs is assurance that only you can give - and you would give it to her. 

The persistence had kept me holding on, and I wish you share the same thought.

Tonight, I just need some encouragement words.

Kanashii

It is strange that words are so inadequate to describe how's the feeling of the one when loneliness and sadness sets in. Sometimes, I do feel that bad relationship with siblings brings a terrible feeling, it makes me feel that I am isolated. It would be great that I able to have further studies at other states again. Having fun with friends makes me feel that I am not a loner.

I guess....

ASS.U.ME.

An assumption is based upon what one may have observed another one to do and then knowingly or unknowingly placed the previous observations into a pattern(s) of cycles that later form a label to what one mind would think is a probable act for the other one. This is something that happens to most people when interacting with a person for a period of time, They start to measure the other persons' reality, to their past impressions. 

Assumption is often be made by us most of the time. We assume that what we say and do can be understood by the ones who are closer with us. We assume that we don't need to thank parents for what they contribute. We assume that it is okay for friends to clear up mess for us. We assume that there's not a big deal to kidding with friends, not knowing that it may cause misunderstanding. 

I have inevitably adopted assumptions recently, and my friend shared with me this topic i.e. ' Assume'. Admittedly, I had never heard the phrase, "When you assume, it makes an ass out of you and me," until fairly recently. My friend told me about the root words of 'assume' which are:

Assume= Ass + u + me. 

Thus, by assuming we make an ass of not only others but ourselves too. I think that it is simply a human instinct to assume things, yet it often turn out to be different than what we assume or expect. Just because you perceive something a certain way, doesn't mean it is true. It boils up things easily especially with a false assumption. 

The assumption that I made today made a sweet conversation be ended badly. It made terrible mood existed throughout the night. 

 "You should never assume. 

You know what happens when you assume. 

You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled."

-Ellen DeGeneres 

Disappointment has flooded my heart!

New semester had started and I am currently a 3rd year university student. Somehow I am very disappointed with the management of the faculty of my university. The timetable is released during the 1st day of university reopens, and the newly built faculty building is unable to be used ( need to be examined by Bomba and don't have tables/chairs yet...) Apart from that, the subjects registration or session problems are like a norm , never be improved in this new semester as well. Ok, I would say that i am rather disappointed than happy! Much to my disappointment, I just had attended 2 classes during the 1st week of university restarts. Some friends from other faculties had their lessons started as well, but our course are still on holidays! Hmm..it's inevitable for me to have the fallacy of thinking that the semester break has not ended. Or perhaps lecturers are still on holidays!

We paid to study in university, and yet lecturers aren't being responsible to teach lessons. It's said to be lecturers will be very busy during the 1st week, and may resume classes during the second week. Yet, one of my lecturers had been telling us that he might not have lesson on during Monday. Huh...

What's the point of coming back earlier to prepare for new semester?
What's the point of being a hardworking student while lecturers are so lazy?!

D.A.M.N!!! I feel very unmotivated!

Disappointment has flooded my heart!~

The Kübler-Ross Model

The busy week had been finally ended after completing the tons of assignments. Today, my housemates and I had been going to two famous temples in Batu Pahat in order to soothe our minds. This would be a hard semester for me to go through but I believe that I can progress further if I hold tight on the belief. Everything happens for a reason.. Hmm, the reason, i shall let the time to prove it or perhaps there's never have an answer for that. Anyway, I got the fortune tally which shows me better future ahead, and I hope it will truly happen to me =)

Life is just as fragile as the heart. R.I.P hui en's friend. Sometimes, we often dwell over the past and could not fill the depression with joys, and eventually end our life. During the sad moments, what we need the most are someone who can give us positive comforts and advices, or just a pair of ears to listen to us. I would say that friends and family play important roles as they are the ones who will be there as listeners and supporters when you feeling so down as if the world is ending.

Hereby, I would like to share an article that I read at noon i.e. 'The Kübler-Ross Model', which is commonly known as the The Five Stages Of Grief. I found that most of us will experience the stages below depressively when undergo some significant events.

The 5 stages, popularly known in its abbreviated form DABDA, include:

1. Denial — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."
   Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of positions and individuals that will be left behind after death.
2. Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?"
   Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.
3. Bargaining — "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."
   The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..."
4. Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die... What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"
   During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
5. Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."
   In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with his mortality or that of his loved one.

Okay, I seems like still being around the stage of denial, anger and bargaining. Huh! Bad progress, but I wish for the day that I will say " I am fine" and I truly mean what i spoken that time.

You can’t change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future.

“Never allow anyone to rain on your parade and thus cast a pall of gloom and defeat on the entire day. Remember that no talent, no self-denial, no brains, no character, are required to set up in the fault-finding business. Nothing external can have any power over you unless you permit it. Your time is too precious to be sacrificed in wasted days combating the menial forces of hate, jealously, and envy. Guard your fragile life carefully. Only God can shape a flower, but any foolish child can pull it to pieces.”

~ Og Mandino quotes Check out this book at Amazon.com:

Guess that You Don't Even Bother...

Guess that You Don't Even Bother

I never have the chance to say goodbye,

Perhaps you are just meant too much,

But sooner or later I’m gonna have to let go,

In order to move on my journey,

Instead of holding tight to the past.

My heart is an open window,

Things just come and go,

But nobody ever stays like he/she promises.

But if you stop by and listen to it carefully,

You will notice it is broken piece by piece.

No one is going to last forever,

People leave and people change.

Sometimes,

we're left alone wondering why our life became hell,

But sometimes we are left wondering

how we met the people that shaped us,

made us into who we are now.

Sometimes,

I don't even know how could the story ever started,

and how it ended with...and do you want to know the worst part?
i never got my last goodbye, no i love you, no nothing.
just tears, pain and heart ache.

Loving you doesn't scare me,

Just the thought that you don’t love me, it does.

I think about you more than i should

but my mind doesn't seem to care, and neither do I.

Sometimes, i wonder if you love me for the things i've done

or that you love me because of who I am;

Or because I am the person who see's you

for everything you don’t see yourself as.

Yeah, life is just like a merry-go-round,

with ups and downs...

People used to say stand up where you fell,

but I would say lie there till there's the time to stand up again.

Some people wish for luxury,

And others wish for health,

But what do i wish for? I wish for you to be happy.

So that I will be too...=)

Love shouldn't hurt like it does

‎2♥11

Some memories are meant to be kept in mind and embedded in heart~

When I don't message you,it doesn't mean that I forgot about you.
I was just giving us some time to miss each other,
My love for you is a journey, starting at forever and ending at never.

我不是碰不到更好的，

而是因为已经有了你，

我不想再碰到更好的...

我不是不会对别人动心，

而是因为已经有了你，

我就觉得没必要再对

其他人动心...

我不是不会爱上别的人，

而是我更加懂得珍惜你，

能在一起不容易，

已经选定的人我就不随便放手...

written by

‎

‎

‎c♥r‎♥ne

on ‎05/2/2♥11‎

Memory span

Recently, I had been doing some readings and I found an interesting article about memory span of the goldfish today. There's a myth saying that the memory span of a goldfish is around 3 seconds, but the actual research in the contemporary has shown that goldfish does have memory span of at least 3 months and could differentiate colors, shapes and the surrounding of it. Hmm.. somehow I wish to become a goldfish, because having the bitter memories etched in mind is terrible. Bitter memories are much easier to be remembered compared to sweet ones. 3 months of bittersweet memories are enough to be tamed, and there's 'restart' button for goldfish to have another memory again..As human being, I could only remind myself to think about the sweet memories and not to live in the shadows of bad memories.

Anyway, the list of resolution for year 2011 is fulled of my new targets. One of the targets is boast up my pointers and remain in dean list! Okay, perhaps, not only be in dean list, I aim for first class.=) For my studies, I do hope I have more than 3 months memory span =)

............................................................................................

Going to watch a funny movie introduced by aunt i.e. 7th Grade Civil Servant, hmm.. next would be The Proposal I guessed~

Evaluation on group assignment...

Evaluation on group assignment...


Nah..I'm reluctantly complained about what I had experienced during the business financial a/c group assignment.3 chinese(including me) and 2 malays were assigned together to do financial statements of a public listed company from Bursa Malaysia and we chose Ajinamoto(M) Bhd. I was infuriated with the attitudes of those particular malays."Sorry,sat and sun. are my family days, i can't come for the discussion", " I'm sick, I can't finish it, sorry"...O_o! They showed no contributions in group assignment,didn't seem to be making any effort to do so!! I don't love the idea that they will just get credit for "doing the assignment "(worth 15% of our final grade).

I lose trusts on these fellows after checking the piece of their works.In horizontal analysis and vertical analysis(The simplest analysis),the -ve value become +ve value and vice versa.With the soft copies of other groups to refer,they just changed the value.Gosh! After all,the chinese have to help finishing and correcting them.1 of the chinese group member had insulted me and Y.Y- our requests to ask her to help out had been rejected thrice and the excuse she gave: " I'm lack of sleep!" Huh.. I had spent 2 hours to sleep in order to help correcting her analysis and finishing the explanation. Eventually,I concluded this group assignment was more likely individual assignment which I had done most of the analysis and explanation.

The underlying cause of such situation happened not the lack of communication among each other, but it's the lack of self-responsibility( those particular 2) and the selfishness of her. From what I had seen from the other groups,well, most likely same kind of situations happened. 1 orchestrated the whole assignment while others just depended on her without offering help.

As a member of the group, we should understand each and group's role,commit to spending time in discussion and working togather on group assignments,take a proactive role in resolving conflicts and etc.