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Sunday, August 30, 2015

10 Things to Let Go to Make Rooms for Self-Improvement

In life, we have many ambitious desires which are achievable and we persevere stoically to achieve them. We usually have a long wish list such as building a wonderful family, have a supportive lover, a big house, to be a rich billionaire, trips to overseas and etc. Sometimes, things do not come towards our expectation and it feels like the world has turned upside down. I've recently read an meaningful article that we have too many things that we need, want or desire, but we could never make room to own the rest without letting go some things that we shall eliminate. I hope to give myself a birthday gift this year by letting go these 10 things for a healthier, happier and more successful life.

Clear the negative things to make space for things that're worth holding onto.

10 things that cause pain, suffer, unhappiness should be let go to make life less complicated and make rooms for happiness and self-improvement.

1. Prioritize others' thoughts/ opinions over your own self

We spend too much time worrying and thinking about others' thought and opinions or craving for others' attention. We often being influenced by people that we care of and some of them would like to change us to become whom they wish we are. We take the comments, critics, opinions or others more serious than our own inner voice. A change of better self is for our own, not to impress others. Also, we used to think of ways to please or impress others, yet we forget that the true happiness is created by us, not depends on the others' approval/ thought. We shall not forget that the price tag (value) of ourselves depends on how we create for our own. A quote I like very much," Don't make somebody a priority if they only make you as an option".

The purpose of life is to please our own selves and create own "price tag".

2. Grudges

Time and tides awaits for no men, life is short to be spent for grudges. There's often sound advice from surrounding people that we should forgive the wrongdoings and the enemies. Some people do not deserve the forgiveness, however the decision to make a closure for nursing the bitterness is still on our own hands. If we keep overwhelmed with the thought of condoning the enemies, I think it's easier to let go the grudges although struggles happen during this process.

Don't live in the silly drama.

3. The ideal belief of "forever"

When we hold onto some things, we used to have the belief of owning them forever. Neither richness, health, happiness,time, luck, opportunities nor love, none will be there forever. Pretty often, we tend to forget that things are change over the time. In fact, life is full of dramatically changes and almost everything is temporary. Just like there's often sunshine after the thunderstorm. Similarly, the same goes to the downside of life, nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you do not belong. The ideal belief of things will stay forever should be let go, I often remind myself to hold onto the present and appreciate the people who stay around me now.

Live in present and appreciate the current moment.

4. Self-defeating

Psychologically interpretation of self-defeating is a self-protection method after being hurt or when face with difficulties. As the sayings from Eckhart Tolle "The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.”,self-defeating could prevent us to face the realities stoically. Problem exists and will not lose no matter how much self-defeating talk/ thought are sounded nicer.It's bona fide to say that it's more realistic to acknowledge and admit the weak part of ourselves, pick up the pieces of broken self, re-compile and stand up after the fall.

Storing too much negative things, there's no room for happiness.

You may lose something good, but you could gain better in the future.

5. Procrastination/ lackadaisical attititude

Procrastination is the worst habit I want to let go as the action towards the goals always being delayed. A trainer once told me that the more days you procrastinate, the more days you delay being the one you want to be. This relates to my goal of achieving 50kg weight and it seems so hard to achieve as I am the procrastinator.

Don't take another day of blessings for granted, make use of it!

6. Toxic people

As the word "toxic" sounds, these circle of people which brings negative thought, hatred or uncomfortable feeling, it's best to detached from these kind of people. It's a norm where we used to have these toxic people around us, either in workplace, friend's circle, neighborhood, relatives and etc. There's a book worth reading i.e. " Toxic People: 10 Ways Of Dealing With People Who Make Your Life Miserable" written by Dr. Lilian Glass, with 10 proven techniques for successfully dealing with them, including: Tension-Blowout, Unplugging, Direct Confrontation, Humor, Giving Them Love and Kindness,Mirroring and other techniques. Well, a simple way for us to let go of these toxic people for a simpler life is unplug.

People come into our lives to serve some sorts of purpose, as blessings, as lesson, as a seasonal "Santa Claus" .
Some come into our lives to teach us how to let go.

7.  Setting High Expectations

Have you ever find yourself suffering from the expectations that you set for your own self? The expectations you set have plagued your life, causing sorrow, disappointment, frustration, forlorn and etc. We used to persistently maintaining the expectation even we have clearly understood that these expectations are unrealistic. Also, we usually repeat the same mistakes over time i.e expecting too much from the ones we care. Somehow, I noticed that I used to bewildered by my own expectations, consequently losing confidence and positive mindset whenever the expectation goes against the life-flow.  My dad; a wise man's words "Be in the moment of choices, then value and discover the opportunities rather than trap in the squares of expectations that you have set for yourself.".  On the side note, do we make S.M.A.R.T (Acronym for  Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timely) expectations?  Back off to protect ourselves if the expectation (goal) is unattainable.

"Expectation is the root of all heartache"~ William Shakespeare

8. Waiting 

Good things don't come towards yourself. You have to seek for it rather than wait for it to happen. Same goes to opportunities and pursuit of happiness. Although there are articles mentioning that good things are worth waiting for, however the recent tragedies of MH370, MH17 and unexpected accidents have changed my mind. We do not what will happen during the next second, why should we spend time to wait for something that might not happen. Rather than waiting, it's advisable to live in the present, utilize every seconds, minutes and hours now for improving own self or for the important ones such as family and those we love and care.

Always be prepared to reach for the stars!

9. Unnecessary Insecurity

Maslow's hierarchy of needs has portrayed the fundamental needs ranged from physiological needs, safety needs, love and belonging, esteem and self-actualization. With basic needs of food, shelter and clothing are relatively satisfied, we will prioritize on safety needs such as personal safety, job security, health security and etc. Unnecessary insecurity often come from our own judgment, own doubts over ourselves, guessing games and silly drama we created in brain. The consequences of unnecessary insecurity often jeopardize relationships and detrimental to our health. I personally agree that if there's something that causes insecurity constantly, perhaps it's not belonged to you.

Have faith and be positive!

10. Negative Comparisons/ Judgment

One of the most self-blinding and defeating habits that many of us have is the tendency to compare ourselves to others. During young age, the people surrounding used to say" X has better results than you", " your height is lower than Y" , " Z enters a better school than yours" and etc. When age grows, I've the tendency of comparing myself with others via these metrics such as job function, income level, job title and etc. Sometimes, I feel proud of myself for doing better, yet these kind of comparisons used to jeopardize the self-esteem, providing much more fear that " I did not perform better that I thought that I could be".  During the recent training I attended, the trainer had taught us to transform the comparison process to self-evaluation process by learning and taking up the other person's qualities, strength and talents. The self-evaluation process could help reducing jealousy and learn to admit own weaknesses while acknowledging others' accomplishments.

Learn to accept imperfections.

There's always a light shining in the darkness.

We confine by the walls we build ourselves,
let's step out from comfort zone
to grow, to be happier, to free ourselves from negativity, to be successful.

Other articles worth reading: http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/08/7-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-a-more-powerful-person/ 

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